Saturday, December 29, 2012

Sex and The Perfect Mate

Walking along the streets in many places around the world, many are the times you will find magazines at news stands touching on love and relationships, several of them being predominantly feminine-based magazine brands. And within some of these many magazine covers are some articles touching on the male gender, issues to do with sex and sometimes, what to look fr in a potential partner.
It is arguably true that many of the articulated issues on males target women in general, but in some arm-twisting way, these writers also aim to hopefully reach the male gender in form of boyfriends and ultimately, husbands. Also, not to be left out are the single menfolk who may "stumble-upon" these magazines in some way.

A large percentage of today's magazine world has been invaded with what I could call the "sex-obsession". Too many writers are literally obsessed with the topic of sex to the extent that they spend their time researching on different aspects of the subject matter. The result of this endeavour; article titles such as "10 Best Sex Positions" "10 Ways to Leave Him Wanting More" and so on.

It is of little wonder then that a female as young as 12 years of age wold classify "good bed performance" as being one of her desired qualities in a boyfriend, considering the fact that the society is slowly but surely deeming it 'normal' for a girl even as young as 10 to lose her innocence and feel totally nothing afterwards. Sex and sexuality has gradually taken over the reins of relationships today. Many are finding and dumping partners in close succession based on how bad or how good they perform between the sheets.

In reality however, this type of background is what breeds the infamous sex-addicts. A man, or woman for that matter who lives out her love life that way will most likely be a victim of depression at some stage of life. Another risk that is posed by such a lifestyle is the infection or contraction of STI's and STD's, most common of them being HIV/AIDS.

So, what then should be the factors to consider when finding that perfect mate?

For starters, there isn't really any such thing as a 'perfect mate'. Every person has imperfections that are unique to their own personality, and it is upon anyone who attempts to enter the individual's life to accept these imperfections, as it is said  by some that an aspect of  true love is loving an imperfect person perfectly. I guess that saying was more of a leaf borrowed from the Christian faith,with regard to how God loves humankind.

Below are some tips that one should consider when searching for that potential mate:

Similar Interests
Many individuals go into relationships without first finding out whether the person they are getting involved with has anything in common with them or whether the person has similar life goals and dreams. This is one huge mistake that often leads to huge heartbreaks and it could lead to major clinical depression if done repetitively.

Compatible Personalities
People with similar personalities tend to click much faster than those who have parallel personalities. Most tend to get along very well and have fewer conflicts or arguments. There is peace in the home for the married couples. Mutual respect and understanding is definitely a bonus point here!

Sense of Humour
This aspect tends to either be underrated or under-stated. Okay, it is no necessary that both partners involved need to have this quality in plenty (though it would be an added advantage, to spice up the relationship with much fun). One partner's sense of humour could fill the void and make up for the other's shortage (or lack, thereof), hence make the relationship worthwhile.

Emotional Sensitivity
By this, I do not mean the tendency to break down to a tearful state, no. It implies that each partner should individually have the ability to look out for the other's emotional needs and consequently be able to rise to the challenge of meeting those needs, without being or appearing to be condescending in any way. This is because when one partner has this quality and the other doesn't, the one who lacks may resort to taking unfair advantage of the partner that has this quality, thereby leading to a decrease in the degree of love, especially on the part of the victim. More often than not it has been a sad reality that the female gender has been on the receiving end of the aforementioned unfairness. A factor that truly needs to change for the better.

With these few points in mind, it is, or would be much easier to find and maintain a long, mutually fulfilling relationship and marriage, if it gets to that point. Sex is or would then be re-positioned to its truly right place of being a method of expressing love between individual couples, rather than be a qualifier for a relationship.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The First Date

Okay, first of all, I'm not going to talk from a "Know-it-all" point of view. What you are about to read are just my careful observations and suggestions, made after studying several first-date situations and doing some research....

A lot has been said and done with regard to preparing and going through that first date with someone who, for relatively obvious reasons, is unknown; physically speaking.
The question in the minds of many, especially the first-timers in love is "What should I do when preparing for and/or going through the first date with that guy/girl?"
Here are a few pointers that aim to satisfy the answers required for such a question about that first date:

(1) Be Honest With Yourself
It has been a common practice, especially with some individuals who use social media (e.g. Facebook, Twitter) as a source of interaction, to put up, or rather upload photographs or pictures depicting people who are anything but their true representation. For instance, many a time it is found that a guy who is advanced in years puts a photo of a gender-mate who is younger and more 'good looking' than he; or, on the flip-side, a lady who hasn't been "blessed" with features that would make any guy go "ga-ga" uploads a picture or pictures of one who would be said to have the finest of body features, all in an attempt to deceive members of the opposite gender, as far as appearance is concerned. All this deceptive agenda works against the individual concerned in situations where it reaches the point of going for that (awaited) first date. This is especially so when one is dealing with a person who has put high expectations of his/her perceived date's appearance as far as the uploaded photo is concerned.
When such expectations are present, it is more often than not a case of severe disappointment when the one of the two people involved in that date does not look as 'good' as they did on their uploaded internet profile photograph. In some instances, some resort to reactions that would otherwise be considered as 'harsh' or 'uncalled-for'.
These deliberately conscious deceptive acts that occur during over-the-net interactions have reasons specifically known to the individual, but their effects have the potential to adversely affect the concerned friendship in the aftermath of the first date, or meeting. Perhaps in awareness of this, some people avoid this by simply putting photos of a celebrity or some influential figure of society.
The best known remedy to this deception and its effects, is to be honestly proud of who you are and the features you were naturally blessed with. As boring or as cliche as it may sound, that initial honesty will go a long way, and will be returned by the person you meet, with an additional benefit of true appreciation.
Take yourself as you are, and apply the same to the person you meet!

(2)  Relax!
The effect of this factor can never be under-estimated nor can it be over-stated.It is said that some people can tell a lot about a person within the first 5-10 minutes of meeting them or by looking at the person's shoes; and that the first impression matters a lot. That means, if you meet someone for the first time, and either of you acts all clumsy or too nervous and/or quiet around you, the possible impression that sticks to memory is one of being care-free or shy towards people; or if the person talks a lot, never gives you enough time to express yourself or interrupts you abruptly, the impression given out is one of over-confidence, rowdy and rude. Traits that should be avoided, if at all the intention of meeting is to grow the progressing friendship into something more; like a romantic relationship.
Like the first factor, the best thing to do while on the first date or meeting, is to completely be yourself, relax, and let the meeting flow as it naturally should.
Oh, and for those who apply the "first 5-10 minutes" and even the "shoe appearance observation" rules ease off on the judgmental stuff

(3)  Don't Put The Cart Before The Horse
This one is for those people who go to a first meeting wit someone wanting, or expecting events that should happen much afterwards to happen on that first meeting. For example, some may want the person to jump into bed with them after that first date or even form some kind of romantic bond right there and then, especially when the meeting is between two friends who, until then, have never met physically.
The effect of such things is often a huge dent or severe damage to one's reputation The exception applies to those who may agree beforehand to have those 'strings' attached to the first meeting.

(4) Compliment Your Date
I know this one sounds corny, but like honesty, its effect goes a very long way. It can help build self-esteem of the person you're meeting, and even ease the tensions that may spring up during the initial moments of the meeting quite a bit.
Tip: Do not under any circumstances or for any reason go fishing for compliments. The situation will most likely work against you!

(5) Smile and Be Courteous
For those who have a habit of looking like they've been hit on the face, or are not used to doing it often, this one is especially for you. Increase your friendliness level, you'll be surprised at what you achieve. The best way to start and get used to it; make the mirror your best friend when you're alone somewhere at home...